I'd lie..

I'd lie if I say I didn't miss you..

I'd lie if I say I still do..

I'd lie if I say I don't care..

I'd lie if I say I always did..

I'd lie if I say I believed you..
I'd lie if I say I never did..

I'd lie if I say im not confused..

I'd lie if I say I know why..

I'd lie if I say I love you..

I'd lie if I say I never once did..

From today on, its goodbye..

Im not who i was..

You're not who you were..

You wont understand..

You think you do..

But you dont..

to stop or not to stop?

this is the question. should i stop writing or not? madry im having this writers block, and from the looks of this block is going to take a long long time. so this is it my fellow readers, im giving you two options;

1) i stop writing, and i just keep this blog for venting and stuff;p

2) i sum up the whole story in 1 last post

but if you choose the second one, im not promising ina im guna post it soon..it might take a few weeks or something.

the decision is up to you..

on a different note, imbarak 3alaikum bajy il shahar;p

love y'all

Peace, love and molten cakes.

xox

Back?

Yes yes, my break is taking waaayyy longer than expected. Bas madry, a7is im not a very deticated blogger cuz i dont post daily, or even weekly! w tadroon shinu el mushkela? el mushkelaa ya nas is i dont feel like posting ela ib skool days;p

Its not like im on vacation wela shay. im here in dusty ol' kuwait doing nuthing just watching tv or reading.

so heres a few teasers about the upcoming post of To Hold & To Have;

-Accident

-Shock

-Tears

-Hospital

These are a few words describing whats going to happen next. i hope it gets you excited.

hmmm, ba3aad shinu?

Youu guys should watch Harpers Island. Its just 13 episodes, bas 7ADAA 3AJEEB! ya3ny its the type ily you cant stop watching it until you finish it. w 7adaa you wont expect the ending.

A horror thriller/mystery TV Show, Harper’s Island centers on a series of riddling murders. A group of friends and some relatives attend Henry Dunn and Trish Wellington’s wedding celebration on the picturesque and secluded Harper’s Island off the coast of Seattle. The mystic location is renowned for some unelucidated crimes which took place seven years ago. The suspense reaches the maximum level when the guests are killed one by one.

A murderer transforms the celebration into a struggle for survival giving the “until death do us part” quote… a new meaning. Everyone is a suspect and no one is safe. Until the end of the thirteen episodes, only a few will survive… or not? Has the killer returned or is another murderer playing the devil and all with them?

http://www.cucirca.com/2009/07/09/watch-harpers-island-online/

And yeaa, thats it.

Peace, love and jelly beans.

xox

Time for a break.

Seriously, i do need a break. ya3ny come on people, ITS SUMMER! i just want to sit around and do nothing.

Since the break started i've been doing nothing except watch episode after episode of 90210. i wish my life was like that, very dramatic and interesting. umph.

So yea, back to my break. No post for a couple of weeks. Sorry, a7ibkum. I got my report card, and guess what? IT ROCKS!!! yes yes im very proud of myself;D

Im de-skinning or whatever snakes do when they shed a layer of there skin.  I got a sunburn a few days ago since i was in he shalaih and spent around 7 hours on the beach, and now my skin is peeling of. ye5

So, where are you guys going to in the summer? i dont know where im going so dont ask.

Peace, love, and bubblegum

xx

P.s; you should try coldstone bubblegum ice cream, and the cheesecake too.

To Hold & To Have [17]

It was 3abdulla, he was sitting alone on the shore just staring off into space.  I decided to go and sit beside him, maybe he would forgive me for what happened. I thought about it alot today, if i were in his postion and my cousins would have done such a thing to my friend i would have killed them and i would've been extremely embaressed.

When i sat beside him, he didnt seem to notice me. He just sat there lost in his thoughts, i was quiet or a few seconds thinking whether or not to say something now or wait for him to notice me sitting there beside him.

Me: Hey, its kinda late..

He suddenly snapped back to reality and was surprised to see me sitting beside him.

3abdulla: magidart anam, and why arent you sleeping?

Me: well, 7itan ana magidart anam.

He ignored me and continued looking at the waves crashing on the shore. i'v always loved the sound of it, its really relaxing and the smell of the sea too. I wanted to apologize to him for what happened today, but i didnt really have the words. but i gave it a try anyways..

Me: 3abdula..i..i..im..

3abdula: sorry?

Me: umm, yes..wallah i really am

3abdula: you embaressed me, mu bas jidaam 7mayen. jidaam kil rab3ee ily shafouw ish9aar

Me: We didnt mean anything, we just did it as a joke..ma daraina ina he was going to be that mad

3abdula: 3a6aito bottle of sea water, w you dont think hes going to get mad?

Me: We didnt think of it in that way, we didnt think ina what we did will come back and bite us in the ass..

3abdula: Your pathetic..

pathetic? i really have nothing else to say, i apologised. what else? im all alone, no 3awaash to tell me what to say or have 3awaash to save me from such a situation. I looked at him, and as usual his face was stoic and emotionless.

Me: Im trying to apologise here and your telling me im pathetic? i really dont now what to tell you right now.

3abdula: Then dont say anything. I dont need your apology and sympathy and i really dont need you to be all dr.phil on me. 

i felt the tears fill my eyes, and i was trying so hard not to cry, the last thing i need is me crying infornt of him.

Me: b..b..bas i really am sorry

3abdula: DAMNIT REEMA I SAID I DONT NEED YOUR APOLOGY!

Me: *sniff sniff* d..d..dont shout..

3abdula: latabcheen, 7mayen made you cry today and if you do cry now  then that doesnt make me any better than him. 

Me: Ooh s..s..so now your being kind?

Ugh! i hate it when i become all stuttery because im crying.

3abdulla: Look, im sorry for shouting. bas intaw mat3arfoun 7mayen, lo ana mu yaay chan 3ady 6agkum jidam il nas w ma abeekum itkounoun ib hal maw8if marathanya le2ana mu kil mara bakoun hnee 3ashan asa3idkum..now yalla smile w latabcheen

He placed his hand on my cheeck and gently wiped my tears with his thumb. Now i felt at ease, the hard part is finally over.

Im tired of always starting the conversation, so maybe now its his turn..

___________________________________________________________________

Very short post, but atleast i posted;p

peace, love and unicorns

xx

Just thought you should know..

That my story isnt in anyways true, its all made-up. im making it up as i go, ya3ny i dont even know whats going to happen in part 17. Well no, im lieng i do know whats going to happen in part 17, but i dont now whats going to happen in part 18,19..etc.

On other notice, i saw a girl with the swastika sign on her car. i was surprised, cuz to many people its offensive or maybe offensive is an understatement its something disgusting, and its a sign of racism. bas i doubt she knows that. shes either;

1) An undercover nazi

2) Thinks its cool

3) Doesnt know what it means

I go with 3, because no-one in thier right mind will put a swastika on their car to show the world that he/she is a racist.

Peace, love and smiling pandas.

xx

To Hold & To Have [16]

This cant get any worse, i thought to myself.  In the middle of all the chaos, i was praying to god that 3abdulla wont get into a fight with this guy. All i wanted him to do was get us out of this situation.

3abdulla pushed the guy away from 3awash.  I held her hand and pulled her to my side, i can see it in her eyes that she was still infuriated of what just happened. 

3abdula: GILTLIIK WA5ER 3ANHAA

Guy: INTA YAAY HNEE W MATADREE SHISALFAA! LIBNAYA BA8AAT TITHBA7NY!

3abdula: enzain, 5an ni6la3 bara w goulee ish9aar bil'6ab6, mu 7ilwa 9ar5na chithy jidaam el awadim

Due to 3abdulla's calm and persuasive voice, the guy calmed down and his once tense body relaxed. As happy as i was that this was over, i now realized that the problem isnt completely over. I didnt really now how 3abdulla is going to react to what we did. 

The people started going, each one with a different expression. Some shocked and some with a "thank god im not in there place" expression. Me and 3awaash were still in shock, we looked at each other quietly, and slowly a smile started to form on 3awaash's face. Uff 7ada mu wagta ti'67aak hathy.

Me: Shfeech? you realize what just happened 9a7?

3awaash: Yea, and were dead

Me: And thats funny?

3awaash: mm, yea

Me: geez 3awaash, are you bipolar wela shay? tawich im3a9baa

3awaash: enzain yalla 5anriid el shalaiih your a mess. w ma siwaat 3alaina gilna nabee kakaaw

Me: eeh wallah..

As soon as we were about to go out, 3abdula came in, i tried to read his expression but he was stoic. He hissed for us to follow him back to the chalet, and we did as we were told. For a few minutes we walked in silience. But how can there be silience if 3awaash is around?

3awaash: So, shgaliik?

I pocked 3awaash with my elbow indicating for her to shut-up.

3awaash: aay reema! 9ij aby a3arif ishgalaa!

I shot her an "are you serious?" look, but  i didnt say a word and continued walking. Whatever she indentded to do, i dont want anything to do with it.

3abdulla: galy ina 3a6aito bottle fy maay ba7aar

3awaash: enzain, and why are you mad?

3abdula: LE2ANKUM KALAMTO!

i jumped to his sudden change of tone, but still decided not to interfere, and just hoped 3awaash will do the same thing. But who am i kidding?

3awaash: excuse me, lat9ari5..

Apparently she saw it as a joke, and from his face i saw that he is about to explode from anger.

Me:  3awaash bas siktaay.

He shot me a cold look and started walking faster. I did the same in order to keep up with him. When we got to the chalet 3awaash ran inside when she realized the rest of my cousins just arrived. I tramped inside and plastered a huge smile on my face.

Me: Hiii, wa a5eeran yaitaaw?

As my cousin blabbered on, i looked back and saw 3abdulla go and greet the rest of my guy cousins.

The rest of the day went smoothly, we played cards, walked on the beach and caught up on some gossip.  At about 2am, we all decided to go to sleep. we said our goodbyes and planned on meeting up at our chalet for breakfast.

I took a shower, brushed my teeth, wore my pjs and jumped into bed. i wasnt really sleepy, so i got my book out of my bag and started reading. After reading for a few minutes, i went to check if 3awaash was asleep, and she was. 

Quietly, i tip-toed outside and sat on the porch looking and the sea and daydreaming. A dark figure sitting on the beach caught my eye,  i squinted my eye a bit then recognized who is was..

___________________________________________________________________________

Peace, love ,and bunnies

xx

WHAT TIME IS IT?!

SSUUUUUUMMMMEEEEERR TIIIIIIIIMMMEEEEE!!

LET ME HEAR YOU SAY AAAYYYOOOO!!
LET ME HEAR YOU SAY AAYYY-OOOOO!!

Finally! but to tell you the truth this year went by sooooooo faast, ya3ny its unbelievable..

HELLO TANNING! since im naturally kinda dark, i become yellow if i dont get tanned. ye5,
nasty.

Its kinda sad that ramadhan is in the summer, mit3awdeen 3alai bil winter 9a7? atleast 3eed clothes are going to be summerish!

Okay so today was my last exam (hallalujah) w 9iij 9iij people are brave! im sitting happily doing my exam thinking about what time i'll shower today wela faj2a i hear my name. i look around wela this girl literally the other side of the room pointing on her paper. Could'nt she find someone infront of her or someone behind her or 3al a8aal YAMHAA! noooo lazem someone sitting in the other side of the room. i wish i was as brave as you.

i'll leave you with the most beautiful shoes my precious eyes ever laid eyes on..

i LOVE them.

Peace ,love, and cookie dough.

xx

To Hold & To Have [15-B]

3abdula: e7mm

I wiped the tears from my cheecks and looked behind me. There he was hotter than ever sitting on the couch with a confused look on his face. I think the huge smile still plastered on my face scared him, so he smiled back.

Me: emm..

I was speechless, i had nothing to say. He just saw us run into the room, look out the window and roll on the floor laughing. I shot 3awaash a desperate look, but she just shrugged. Ugh! She always has something to say, why not now?

Me: emm..i-i-i didnt think you were going to come..

3abdula: I was'nt going to, but i changed my mind at the last second

I didnt reply, i had nothing to say. we just sat there looking at each other. The couple of times i saw hiim, he was the one doing the talking. well, not really the talking, just the greetings. We sat there looking at each other, desperatley thinking of something to happen to get me out of this akward situation.

3awaash: REEMA 5ANII6LAA3 NITMASHAA BARAA!

The sudden sound of 3awashs loud voice made me jump just the slightest bit. As i got up i saw the smile slowly fade from 3abdullas face. phew, thank god thats over.

Me: Okaay, see you later 3abdulla..

6ala3naa min the chalet and we started walking on the beach.

Me: THANKYOUU!! i owe you my lifeee!!


3awash: well, i had to do something. i was getting pretty bored just watching you look at each other.


Me: Was it thaat bad?


3awaash: 7eta uhwa ma tikalaam, so your not the only one whos suppoed be be embarresed

Yea, she does have a point. i seriously dont now what i'd do without 3awaash. We walked on the beach for a few minutes and when we got bored we decided to walk to sultan center since it wasn't that far away. As we were walking we were laughing and giggling about old memories and stuff.

3awash: hahaa! umbaay remember jabaal el mouut?

Me: OH MY GOD! eeeehhh! sha5bary! it wasnt even a jabaal 3ashan insamee jabaal el mout.

3awaash: Bas it seemed huge laman kina yahaal. kina nig3aad fouga w we spy 3ala 3yaal 5alty

Me: Eeehh! min kithiir ma we loved it kanaaw iyeeboulina el ghada we7na ga3deen fouga

And thats how it went for the rest of our walk to sultan center. We made our way through the bunch of boys crowded around a buggy and entered. A cool breeze from the air conditioning welcomed us as delieghtfully made our way to the chocolate aisle.

3awash: Allaaahhh! wedy ashtiry all of these chocolates

Me: Yal bal3aa ana mishtahya fizzy drinks, barou7 ashouf shba5ithly..

I headed towards the large coolers while scanning what i'll decide on taking. I picked up a baribican bottle and diet coke.

As i was walking back to 3awaash i was looking at my reflection in the window. When suddenly i collided into a someone, my barbican bottle came crashing down and smashed into the ground. Without looking at the person i apologized and started picking up the pieces of shattered glass.

Guy: ENTAAY!

I looked up and to my surprise it was the guy we gave sea water too. I froze in my spot, not knowing whether to run or ignore him.

Guy: TADREEN INIICCHHH BA8AIITAAY TITHBI7EENYY??!!...

Thats all i heard from his ear peircing shouts and then i just blanked out. i watched in horror as his face turned red, his eyes popped out and particles of silivia started spraying at me as he was furiously shouting. With the corner of my eyes i saw a crowd starting to form around us.

Paraylzed from fear, tears started rolling down my eyes. I thought he might be a little sympathetic and just shut-up, but noo he just continued shouting from the top of his lungs. 3awaash pushed through the crowed and stood beside me. Just as she was going to say something, he grabbed her from her arm and stared shouting at her. There faces were just inches apart. She tried to push away but his grip was too tight.

Unlike me, 3awaash is the strong one, so instead of crying she became infuriated.

3awash: HIDNY!!

He ignored her and continued shouting. i cant believe no-one in the crowed was doing something. Since most of them were guys, i figured they were his friends. 7itan lo, they still should've done something.

As i stood there, broken glass under me and my eyes swelled with tears, he continued shouting on and on. Then, out of nowhere i heard a familiar voice.

3abdula: 7MAYEN HID LIBNAYA!!

3abdula pushed through the crowed with his hands clentched into a fist.

_______________________________________________________________
Now back to studying;p

Peace, love, and candy canes
xx

Tried but failed.

Okay so, i tried downloading a template for my blog but miserably failed. I admit, im not a wizz in computers and stuff bas, do i need to be one in order for me to dowload a template?

Awaal shay, when i thought i succesfully downloaded it, i was like YAY! bas bi3dain when i recognized it was uploaded into winzip i knew my attempt to finally get a proffesional and simple template has failed.

It said something about extracting xml or something like that. I sat there think and when i thought i had the perfect idea, my renewed sense of hope kicked in. What was my perfect idea you may ask? google ofcouse. i searched "how to extract an xml" and to my dissapointment i found myself reading a whole lot of jumbo mumbo about stuff i have no clue about. I might have been reading Swaheely and just didnt now it.

Once again, i sat there thinking. Yet another bulb flashed above my head. Yup, you've guessed it, i got a new idea. I return to the original template website in search of help or comments like "why doesnt this template work?" because being the person that i am, i no longer think its my stupidity, but a mistake of theres. But noooo, for everyone else that has downloaded it, its completely fine . instead of comments like "why doesnt this template work" theres comments like "It worked perfectly".

while i was reading the comments i was secretly hoping that all their computers would burn down. So finally, all the optimisim is gone. i close all the windows and go to the kitchen to prepare myself a rewarding bowl of cheese flavored noodles for all the hard work i've done.

Is it that obvious that im bored and that i have nothing to talk about? i hope not.

Ooh and by the way, a new post no later than friday i promise.

Peace, love and whipped cream.
xoxo

Entikhabaat & More..

El 3oud gaal "i7sinou likhtiyaar" Did you?;p Out of curiosty, who do you want bilmajlis?

My parents mayaboun yintakhboun a7aad, igouloun they give-up. i nagged and nagged and nagged and nagged, and still they refuse to. Awal ma im old enough to vote, ana awal wa7da 6ayra 3ashan antikhiib;p

This is a conversation between me and my dad yesterday while eating lunch;

Me: Daddy, laish wara ba3'6 ilma8araat fy ba3areen?

Dad: 3ashan iwakloun ilbugaar..

Being the 9aida that i am i said: Heeeeeehhhh! haw mayadroun cows dont eat meat? Wont they get the madcow disease or something? Misakeen the cows theyre happily munching w little did they no ina its meat..

Dad: H, i was joking. its for the people.

Me: Ooh. *looks down at my plate and continues eating*

-OH MY GOD! fy this Sirilanken dude who keeps calling our house and threatens us. Wil scariest part is he nows ALL OUR NAMES! He wants donations; dear Sirilanken dude, if you want some donations, this is not the way to ask. Cursing us and saying mean things is not the way, please learn some manners.
__________________________________________
Peace, love ,and rainbows
xx

To Hold & To Have [15-A]

I waited outside the chalet as 3awaash went inside to get whatever she was getting. From where i was standing, i could see the guy but i doubted he can see us. Since it was "revenge" it wasnt really good for us if he knew where our chalet was.

Within 2 minutes, 3awash came out with a bottle of water in one hand and a bunch of tissues in the other. She then went over to the sea, emptied the water into it.

Me: Bta36eena an empty bottle?

3awaash: No, im not that lame

Me: Ooh ashwaa hehe

She stuck her hand into the sea and from what it looked like, she was refilling the bottle with sea water.

Me: hhheeeehhhhhhh!!!! umbaay 3awaash!

3awaash: Hehehe, shrayech!?

Me: Risky, bas wouldnt he recognize? you now, since sea water isnt completey clear and stuff.

3awash: What do you think the tissue is for?

She wrapped the tissue around the bottle, so that the unclear water didnt show.

3awaash: Shoufay reema, awaal ma a36ee the bottle we make a run for it okay?

Me: hahaa! awal shay, hes on a buggy, he can easily catch up with us and to make matters worse you now me very well, im not that fast!

3awaash: 3ala ma yistaw3iib what he drank and 3ala ma he chokes and throws up and stuff. dont worry, we'll have plenty of time.

Me: Oh my god, wont he die or something? maskeen ma siwaat 3alaii galina yabee maay

3awaash: He wont drink the whole bottle, he'll probably just take a few gulps. ive always swallowed sea water by mistake nothing happens..

Me: hehe okaay

As we walked back to him, i couldnt help myself but smile. My mom has always told us about crazy thiings shes done with her sisters, and said how glad she is that she did these insane things because now she can look back at them and laugh. So, since me and 3awaash dont have any memorise of us doing crazy things, this could be our first.

When we got to him, we stood a good 2 meters away from him. Not too close and not too far. 3awaash threw him the bottle and before i knew it she started running. i ran behind her trying with all my might to catch up with her. i was too scared to look back and too tierd to run any faster. Just as my feet were going to give up, we got to our chalet. We rushed in slamming the door behind us and running directly to the window.

Panting, we looked outside the window. There wasn't any sign of him, just the sound of his loud motor buzzing and the waves crashing on the shore. Suddenly, his yellow buggy wizzed past our chalet. Quickly ducking down, me and 3awaash burst into laughter. We were laughing so hard that tears were running down our faces.

Then the low soothing voice caught us off gaurd..

_________________________________________________________________
EXAMMS!! i'll try to post soon. Since im not doing anything today, theres a chance i post part B..mmaaybbeee;p

Peace, love, and pecan pie
xx

Sober

I woke up to the loud shouts of yousef, my husband. As soon as i realised who he was shouting for, i jumped out of bed and rushed into the bathroom and locked myself inside. Its a harrowing experience everytime this happens. Why can't we be the perfect couple i imagined our selfs to be?

Yousef: ZAINOO! WALLAAH W BILLAAAH LO MA FACHITAY IL BAB WAALAAH LATSHOUFEEN SHAAY MASHIFTEE!!

i curled up in the corner and started to sob. That happened nearly everyday, but everyday i thought it was the last time, but to my surprised it wasn't.

I had nowhere to go. i knew if i unlocked the door i'd be greeted by one of his slaps or punches. Its moments like these that i wonder why i havent left him by now, why i havent told my parents when it first started. Why i havent packed my bags and just disappear. But, the fact is i cant leave him. After hes snapped out of his drunken mode, he'd return to yousef i'd loved and adored.

A bottle crashed on the ground then he started banging on the door.


Yousef: Shiftaay sh5alaiiteeni asawee yal chalba? il7een lazem ashtiry bo6il vodka yedeed.

He started banging on the door harder now, and at that point i was shaking, theres no running way from him.

Suddenly everything went quiet. Its either hes blacked out or just doing one of his tricks to get me to open the door. i sat there for a few minutes until i was sure that he wasn't there then i opened the door. i saw him lying on the shattered glass with his eyes shut.


From experience, i knew the worse part ended. That after he'd gain consciousness hed return to the normal yousif. i sat him up and realized that his tshirt was covered in blood.

Yousef: mm...zz-zzaai-na

Me: Im here, yousif yourbleeding stay here 3alama i go get a wet towel.

i rushed into the bathroom, grabbed a towel and soaked it with water. When i got to him, i helped him up and manuvered him to the bed. I took his tshirt of and layed him down prone on the bed. Slowly, i started to wipe the blood from his back. Still in shock of what happened, i startedto cry.

Yousef: Zayouna shfeech?

Me: Yousef i can't take this anymore. i dont want to be the battered wife that everyone talks about. im..im..im leaving.

Even though i've said this many times before, he didnt believed me. He knew i loved him to much and that i cant be without him. But this time, maybe its the way i said, he knew it was true, he knew that i was finally leaving.

Yousef: Zaina you cant leave, what will i do without you? you now that i dont mean to do what i do. I'd never hurt you.

Me: Hurt me? guess what yousef? you already did.

Yousef: i know i've said that i dont need you and that i've been so nasty to you. Ive punched you and i've kicked you, but you now i didnt mean to, love you. zaina please dont leave me. i have nobody else

Me: You've got your vodka bottle.

__________________________________________________________________
Random post, i was listening to Please Dont Leave Me-Pink. So, i got an idea.

Nothingness#2

-Ugh! i hate being sick!!! I now what your thinking, and no its not the swine flu.

-Finals are closer than they appear. YAY! bi3daiin HEELLOOO SUMMEEERRR(H)!

-Its may, how come its not hot outside?

-My heart aches for him. Minzimaan ma shift the hot dude min il mamsha. Perhaps Cupid;* bagita? maybe;p

-Dont y'all just love research essays? i most certainly do. not

-shraykum we play a gamee?? i wunna no how many people read my blog. so ALLLLLL you reader, silient mu silient KILKUUM write me any random thing. Just incase you think you have nothing to say, you can just answer this question..What do you think my name is? see, now you all have a reason to comment(:

ps. i will not answer this question, but i will say whether or not any of the commenters got the answers right!

To Hold & To Have [14]

3 months later..

Finally, its spring. Its always been the same routine during the spring break. My whole family would g to the chalet. When i say "whole family" i dont just mean my mom, dad, sister and i. Its literally my whoolee family, like grandparents, aunts and uncles.

Its been about 3 months after the whole controversy with Sara and 3abdula. And since then, i've seen 3abdula a couple of times in family gatherings. He'd come up and ask me how i was doing and stuff but not really anything else. As for Sara, we just ignored each other.

As soon as we got to our chalet, me and 3awash dumped our bags in our rooms and rushed out to the beach to soak up the sun. Since my parents were the "over-protective" type, we werent aloud on buggies or jetskies. In other words, we werent aloud to do anything fun. So, through-out the years we managed to make our own fun. It started out as catchers and hide-and-go-seek when we were about 6, then evloved to tanning and walking on the beach when we became teenagers.

I put my flipflops beside the front door and started walking barefoot with 3awash by my side. As we walked on the beach, the jetskies splashed water on us. We'd try to avoid them but they always managed to soak us. When we finally gave up with our clothes dripping wet, we sat on the sand to rest for a while. Although we still didnt now if 3abdula was going to come to the chalet or not, we still talked about how were going to react when we see him and whether or not we were going to talk to him.

As we sat there talking and giggling we heard a loud motor behind us. We didnt pay much attention to it because buggies always rushed behind us. We continued doin what we were doing, and still the sound did not go.

3awash: Waay! shhal buggy il muz3iij?

Me: Ee wallaah, bas il'6aher imghariz wela shay 9arla sa3a warana

3awash: Yea probably, anyways 5al akamil..

i didnt hear the rest of what 3awash had to say due to the increasing sound of the buggy.

Me: Uuuf baas!

i looked back, and there it was. A huge yellow buggy inches away from me, and on it sat a guy with a huge smile showing his ugly croooked ugly teeth.

Guy: Lo sama7taaw..7ady 3a6shaan 3indukum maay?

It was obvious that he was just messing aroun. Me and 3awash both knew it. But i didnt expect 3awash's answer.

3awash: yeaa, la7'6a shwaay

Me: 3awaash min9ii...

She pocked indicating to me that i should shut up. When she got up, she pulled my arm with her. As soon as we were far enough from him i asked 3awash what the hell she was doing.

3awash: Wait and see, ive got an idea..

Me: Mind telling me what it is?

3awash: Dont you want to get back at guys for all the heartaches theyve caused us?

Me: And your going to get back at them by getting a bottle of water? Wow! genius..

3awash: Laa laa! ni6raay

3awash was always the one with te crazy ideas. I wonder what she has in store now.

__________________________________________________________________
Peace, love ,and fluffy clouds.
xx

2012??!

Yaa naaas!! whats up with the stuff ive been hearing about 2012?

Awal shay i hear ina this planet called "planet-x" entered our solar system and is about to crash into us on 2012, and that NASA made sure of that. W bi3dain i hear ina the sun is going to become so low that it will burn us all.

Im confused, should i be scared?

Btw, today ive been soo bored in class w my phone was dead so i wrote part 14 on a piece of paper (yea i was that bored) bas i really dont have the time to type it..

Im procrastinating, i have a test on thursday and i should start studying today cuz its long bas i think im guna start bacher, and yes i now myself extremely well, i'm going to regret it biiig time tomorrow.

Okay, do any of you now "My Super Sweet 16" ily ib mtv? 7ag ily i3arfaa ma ibu6oun chabdkum? there so snobbish w madree shloun i9ayreen. Akrahum.

27 days. hallelujah!

Peace, love, and gummi bears.
xx

Sorry!

Yes. i now i now! i have neglected you dear readers oh so very much. But in my defense, i do have my reasons. School is being extremely stressfull. Take tomorrow as an example, tomorrow i have a test in every single subject i have except art and pe. uugghh!

And yes, i also do now that the past post or two of "To Hold And To Have" have been very short and boring. i do promise you that juicy stuff are going to be happening.

Ps. Why is our internet only working in my room? ugh our internet sucks. I better start using the neighbours.

btw, i went "jogging" and i saw *HIM* aaaa5 yaa gaaalllbyyyy! wallaah iyanin! lets just hope i see him today too.

i love you beautiful readers. peace, love and cookies

To Hold & To Have [13]

I woke up to the blinding rays of the sun. My head was throbbing with unbareable pain. It felt like my eyelids were sown shut. In a failed attempt to opening them, i pulled the covers over my head and lay under the pillow. I let out a muffeled groan indicating to who ever opened the curtains in the first place should close them back.

Mom: Haw lail7een naymaa? el sa3aa thintaiin w nu9, ba3ad shwaay bi7i6oun el ghada. yala mama goumay.

Me: Yumaa 5aleeny anaam 7ady 3ayzanaa w rasy ibyinfijiir, bas nu9 sa3aa, please.

I felt the light dimming and when it was completely dark, the door closed. Just as i was about to fall asleep, my phone beeped. Uncounsiously,i grabbed my phone. It was a message from a unknown number.

1 message recieved.


+96567..


Reem, if yesterday wasnt clear enough for you, 3abdula is mine and dont even try. We've been together for 2 years now w mabee wa7da mithliich tiyiiy w it5arib our relationship. Everything was fine until you came along. For your benefit just back off, okay?


14:37pm


Seriously? It wasnt like i was flirting with him yesterday or anything. Then i noticed that i have 3 messages from 3abdula. Without reading them, i deleted the messages, i dont want to now what he has to say. As fast as this started, i want it to end. Since i didnt now how to reply to Sara, i figured 3awaash should reply, Shes a pro at these things.

I got out of bed, stretched a little then went to the bathroom for a hot shower. While i was the shower, i heard my mobile ring a couple of times. Since i wasnt close with any of my friends, it was just an "at school" thing, i doubted it was them. I've been backstabbed by a few of my friends a couple of times so the girls i hung out with were just friends, i didnt tell them anything personal neither did i go out with them. So i figured it was either Sara or 3abdula.

I dont now how long i took in the shower, but i now i did take a long time, because when i got out my parents were already taking their afternoon nap. After i changed, i called 3awaash for some serious help.

Me: 3AWSHOOO! ta3alaay daryyy pleaase!

3awash: Shinu ashti'3iil 3indiich? ta3alaay el 9alaa..

Me: iits abouutt 3abeeer!

3abeer is our girls name for 3abdula, for example if we wanted to talk about him infront of some-one who didnt now about him, we used "3abeer" instead of "3abdula".

As soon as i said this i heard her running to my room.

3awash: ha sh9aar ba3aad?

Me: Haach, hatha min sara..igraay

i watched as her eyes scanned the screen of my mobile. She looked up at me with wide twinkiling eyes.

3awash: and what did you reply?

Me: Thats the thing, i didnt..i need you to reply to her as me.

3awash: Afaaa 3alaiiiiich!

She grabbed my mobile and typed away. She was typing so fast with a huge smile on her face showing of her newely whitened teeth. Ooh did i mention that 3aisha removed her braces? well she did!

3awaash: Haach igraay gabel la i send w goulelee etha zain wela laa2

+96567..

Did i mention that me and 3abdula are cousins? well, yea we are. And no, im not even trying to get him. Yes he is yours, Bas gabel la tiyeen w itkalmeeny gouleela uhwa to stop texting me..mayb you should check his fone every once in a while and see our messages and maybe then you'll see that he asked me to go out with him not the other way around. Disregarding kil hatha..once again HE'S MY COUSIN so i have all the right to talk to him.

As soon as i pressed send, i regretted it. Maybe it wasnt a good idea throwing all the blame on 3abdula. Maybe it was better if i just ignored her. That way she'll have nothing agaisnt me. Ooh well, i had to stand up for myself didnt I?

I went to the call log to see who called me while i was in the shower..and to my amazment not it was 3abdula. To tell you the truth, he has nothing to explain. He cant say he's not with Sara because he would have denied it infront of her.

And then..

incoming call +96599...

Me: He's calling again, asheela?

3awash: eeh, tell hiim to stop texting you and calling you. and tell him about Sara.

Me: Bas my promise?

3awash: 3uguub ma itgouleela to stop it, bi3daiin your promise starts..le2ana now that he nows matabeen itkalmeena lazem you keep your word fahamtaay?

Me: Okaay..here goes nothing..Aloo?

3abdula: Laish matrideen wala u answer my calls min ams??

Me: Im not obligated to. w bi3dain your girlfriend it3a9ib w she texts me again..malee 5ilg drama..

3abdula: SHE TEXTED YOUU? 7ILFAAY?

Me: Laish a7liif? 3abalik achathib?

3abdula: Laa2, bas ams she asked me for my fone galaat tabee itshouf the pictures..i didnt think ina she'll take your number! 7maraa hathee?? Ana awareeha.

Me: Well, shes your girlfriend not mine. And no, dont do anything to her. i think its better itha you dont text me anymore i dont have time for drama. Ive known you bas for a few days and already you've let me down twice.

3abdula: Ely iray7iich Reema. I didnt mean anything. i just figured ya3ny since you're my cousin mayb we should talk.

Me: Etha we talk, bas min yam3a lai yam3a. nothing more.

3abdula: As i said, ely iray7iich.

Me: Okay, bye

3abdula: Byee

As i said, as fast as it started, it ended.

To Hold & To Have [12]

I was hesitant about whether or not i should call my mom right now or wait till i get home. She must be worried, so i called her in while i was in the car

Calling mummy..

After two beeps she picked up

Mom: Aloo?

Me: Aloo..Yuma dagaitaay?

Mom: eeh, haw wainiich lail7een ma radaitay..el sa3a 3ashir!

Me: Sorry bas kint weya rifeejaty walla ma7asaina bil wagt..mar bser3a

Mom: Wehh..yallah 3ayaal

Me: Byee

Mom: Byee

Pheeeww! I was 100% sure that i was in trouble.

On the way back home all i did was look out the window, and every second i'd look at my mobile wishing that i've recieved a message from 3abdula. Although i was infuriated and didnt want him in my life anymore i still wanted him to call me or text me. That way i'll no that he cares, or atleast realizes that im mad and upset. But to my disapointment i didnt get anything from him.

Did you ever hear the quote "its over before it even started" or "we were dead before the ship even sank". Thats how i felt, that was the first time i went out with 3abdula and already he's let me down. He didnt even have the audacity of texting me or even calling me a second time. So, i made a promise to my self that i will have nothing to do with him, and never have any form of communication with him. Daam hathy awalha, ishbiyiiy mina in the long run?

When i got home, 3aisha was sitting in her room watching tv. Awal ma shafatny she jumped of her bed with enthusiasim and asked me how it went, so i told her everything that had happened. How at first everything was going great until Sara came along and ruined everything and then how i excused myslef and sobbed in the car while Sara sat in my seat and chatted away.

3awash: Waaayyy! T7uur shtabee?

Me: Adry adry! itbuu6 il chabd, ilmushkela how am i guna act jidamha in school?

3awash: 5atwalee just act like nothing happened. w what about 3abdula? what did he do?

Me: walaa shay! he just looked at the ground, w lama 6ala3t dag 3alay once

3awash: Wai3 ithnainat'hum inarfizoun. Tara 3abdula ma iyeeb ela 3awar el ras fa a7sanlich latkalmeena 5air shar..

Me: Eeh! bas intaay lazem you help me, ya3ny fil3eeny ib juwaty lo giltlich im guna message him aw sha okay?

3awash: Hehee..i'll be glad to!

After a few hours of talking and ti7il6iming, we both went to sleep. And that night i had the weirdest dream..it was a hot summer day and for some reason Sara and 3abdula were at our house. We were all walking beside the pool when suddenly Sara pushed me into the pool and jumped in after me. At first i think she was doing it as a joke so i was laughing, but then i looked at her face and i saw the hate flickering in her eyes. She grabbed me from my hair and started to drag me down. I was screaming for 3abdula to do something, but he just sat there stoic.

I woke up gasping for air. A bead of sweat made its way through my hair and down my forehead. It 3:20am. i layed on my bed twisting and turning trying to go back to sleep. I fought the urge of seeing if i recieved any messages from 3abdula. Even though i said i wouldnt, i knew if i saw any messages from him theres no way i could stop my self from replying, only if 3awash was there to stop me. ___________________________________________________________________ walaa adry the post is too short..IM SOOO SOORRYYY a7ibkum(a)! bas im soo happyy!! When i went "jogging" today, sheft the extra hot dude ely iyaniin ely he makes my heart stop and race at the same time, ely lama marait jidam his house ree7ta el ityaniin kanaat fay7a everywhere. I think im going turn into this crazy obsessed stalker and camp in his garden since i know where his house is. Nyahahahaaa!

Nothingness..

-Yesterday i did nothing. Literally NOTHING! i just sat there watching tv, watching a dvd, and reading. Why didnt i post part 12 you ask? well i wasnt in the mood of writting;p!

-Im thinking about doing these tags without being tagged! maku shi'3iil..yes im that bored!

-ABY AROU7 AMSHYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!! i saw this super hot dude when i was walking (NOT JOGGING) bil mamsha the other day, i really hope the weather yit3adaal 3ashan i can go. *secretly wishing to see him again*

-Ya naaas tara ana haba ib white nail polish! walaah 3ajeeb..if you spot a girl with white nail polish then its me..

-My lifes to-do list is still in the making. Its not really going so well, im running out of ideas..and as you all know my imagination is very limited.

-Laish el jaw 5ayes chithy? aby el sun!!

-Im currently reading Nineteen Minutes..its good but not that good. i liked My Sisters Keeper much much more. You should all read A Life Time Of Secrets, its not really a novel..its like a book full of random peoples secrets..wallah the peoples secrets yaksiroun el 5a6er!

-A letter to myself;

Dear me,

I promise that this time it will be a real diet, not just a mind diet. Every other day will not be a free day and you will eat according to planned. As for you dear stomach you will stop grumbiling ever second and you shal listen to my very intelligent mind.

Yours me,
xoxo

To Hold & To Have [11]

His eyes light up when our gazes met, and he flashed me one of those heart stopping smiles. I inhailed ,held my breathe, straightened the side of my dress and walked towards him. I felt kind off dizzy when i got to him, and thats when i noticed i was still holding my breathe. Quickly, i sat down saving myself the embaressment of fainting infront of him.

3abdula: Wow, Reema you look beautiful!

I felt my face turn red and hot. My palms were sweating more than ever when he said that. lets just hope he doesnt hold my hand!

Me: Hehee, thankyou

3abdula: Tadreen laish i wanted to see you today?

Me: mm..no not really

3abdula: Well, after the incident with my friend, i kinda feel guilty so i wanted to make it up to you..plus i really want to get to know you..

Me: You dont have to feel guilty since your friend didnt really do anything

3abula: Eeh 9a7! that explains why you sent a message saying never to call or text you again..

Waay, 7eta his sarcasim iyaniin..i think im going to faint any sencond now!

He brushed his fingers through his hair and smiled.

Oh my god! is he trying to kill me with his smiles?

And thats how the next 3 hours went, us getting to now each other, him bieng sarcastic then killing me every time he smiles.

Everything was perfect until a girl in our school entered. I knew her, not personally but i do now her. Most importantly because she was the girl i was about to hug this morning. She was looking around, but when she spotted me she froze and looked at 3abdula, then back at me. I looked at 3abdula to see whether or not he saw her, he did. His body cringed and the happy expresion on his face was replaced by confusion.

The girl quickly plastered a fake smile on her face and walked towards us..

The girl: Ummbaaayyy!! 3abdula is that you? i miss youu! wainiik 2 days laa message wala shaay? w entay weyana bil school 9aa7?

u-huum! ENTAY has a name! i knew today is too good to be true.. and as for 3abdula he was frozen in his seat dumbstuck.

Siliently i nodded to her, and then 3abdula finally talked..

3abdula: Halaa Sara, hathee Reema

Ooh, soo thats the famous Sara. Seriously, shi7iib feeha? to be honest he could do much better.

Sara: Ooh, is she your big sister?

Excuse me? his big sister?!

I felt like knocking her head right off her shoulders, but as they say "kill them with kindness"

Me: No actually im a relative of his..

Sara: And im his girlfriend

At that point 3abdula was still quiet, he was looking at the ground..shamefull maybe? well he should be!

Sara: Ohh my god 3abdula! this is such a great coincidence..awaal shay i got too see 7abeeby, second of all i got to meet my cousin in law hehe..

Cousin in law? i now she was just bitching around but still IT7UUR. Tears started to swell in my eyes, i dont think i can take anymore of this..

Me: Anyways, i have to go..see you in school Sara.

I picked up my bag and walked out, i could feel both there eyes burning through my back. But i didnt dare to look back. As soon as i got into the car, all the tears that were held in my eyes broke loose and started running down my face. I looked up through the window where 3abdula and now sara were sitting, 3abdula was still looking at the ground while Sara was well into a conversation.

I put my hands over my face and started sobbing some more. How can a guy which i have only known for less than a week have such a strong impact on me? Maybe its not the fact that hes with sara. Maybe its the fact that for once, i really do like a guy and unlike all the rest of my things, i cant get him. For the first time, i cant get what i want.

My parents have always spoiled me, giving me anything i needed, anything i wanted and anything i asked for. I always thought that i can get what ever i want as long as my parents were their to provide me with it. But now i know its not like that, you cant get someone to like you no matter how hard you try or whatever you do.

I glanced down at my mobile flashing in the dark.

Incoming call +96599..

Ooh and now hes calling? what is he going to say "Sorry bas eeh i lied to you..i am with Sara"? I ignored him until my mobile stopped flashing.

Then i noticed that i have 3 missed calls from my mom. I looked at my watch 10:05pm. Shit!

To Hold & To Have [10]

The day seemed to drag, and when it finally ended i realized how compeletely wastefull it was. I didnt listen to anything in any of my classes, all i did was daydream about him, and by him i mean 3abdula. I thought about what im going to wear, how im going to do my hair, and much more other things. In other words i thought about everything.

The bell rang and i rushed out the classroom to get my mobile back. The hallway was crowded, over flowing with students anxious to get home and enjoy there weekend, and i certainly was one of them. I pushed and shoved my way through them until i got to the principals office. The door was already open so i let my self in. The principal was sitting at her desk talking on the fone. She motioned to me to sit on the couch. Siliently i sat down and waited for her to get of the fone, and when she did i asked her if i can get my mobile back..

Principal: Yes, ofcourse you can but dont let this happen again, you understand?

Me: yea, thankyou

When i got in the car 3awaash looked at me with a huge smile on her face, her braces glittered as the sun hit them.

3awash: Sooooooooooooooooooooooo??

Me: Hehe, shinu soo?

3awaash: la tista3bi6ain, sh9aar 3ala 3abdula? wain bitrou7oun? GIVE ME THE DETAILS!

Me: Madry madry, the religion teacher 5athaat my mobile. Tawny i got it back min el principal..la7'6aa let me read the message!

1 message recieved

+96599...

Okay, starbucks 3dailiya at 6?

8:02am

i replied re-assuring him that i will come. During the way home, me and 3awaash kept squealing and laughing about today, and all the possibilities. We got home, ate lunch then i went to bed for a short nap.

2 and a half hours later..
The ear piercing sound of my sisters shout woke me up in a complete shock.

3awaash: RRREEMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Goumaay goumaaay its 5:30!!

Me: Haa shinu?? Laiiissh?

3awaash: 3abdula remember?

Me: ohhh shiitt!!

i rubbed my eyes in a way to try to keep them open. Pushing the warm blanket away from me, the cold air of the AC hit me letting my body stiffen a little. After showering, i put on my white chloe dress with my beige sandals, and put on my stunt pearl earings. i tied my long hair into a messy bun with a few strands of loose hair framing my face. I applied my red benefits lip balm and sprayed some perfume. I took a quick glimpse at myself in the mirror and went out. As i went down the stairs i called the driver telling him to turn on the car.

On the way, i could not help my self but be nervous. After all, this was my first time going out with a guy. Although he was related to me in someway, it still felt weird and somewhat wrong.

I saw starbucks in the distance. My body was covered with goosebumps and my palms were sweating.

The driver came to a stop in front of starbucks, quickly i re-applied some lip balm and sprayed some more perfume. i got out of the car and headed towards the door.

This is it...

Nervousness made my feet feel like jelly, i could barely move.

I opened the door, the fresh smell of brewed coffe was lingering in the air. I could almost hear the fast beats of my heart thumping inside me...

and then my eyes caught the greek god like person ive been waiting for all day, the person who has occupied all my thoughts, the person whom i most likely might be inlove with..

___________________________________________________________________
This is for all you who encouraged me to write this post,
7ADKUUM 3AJABEEEN;*
thankyou!

Part 10?

YAA NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS! im thinking about not continuing "to hold and to have". Ive been reading alot of love stories in blogs. Honestly i dont think im as good as them, wait let me make that more clear, im nowhere near as good as them. I thought i was a good writter but compared to the other phenominal writers..my writing SUCKS (big time!).

I no, i have to be confident bla bla bla..but seriously, how many of you really read mine? Although i take ALOT of time just writting 1 post of "to hold and to have" i am some what skeptical as to whether or not it has reached your likeing.

Thoughts?

My dream!

OH MY GOOOOOOOODDD! When i was happily sleeping all comfy and stuff, i had the freakiest most scariest most disgusting dream a person may ever have!

Okaaay so this is how it goes;

My cuzin talking to me: 5al 5adamatna tiyiiy ma3akuum il bait okay (i have no idea why!)

Me: Okaay (while getting into the car with my sister, my mom, the maid, the driver and i)

My cuzins maid was sitting in the front seat listening to her ipod (wtf?) then i get a fone call from my cuzin saying:

"Taraa my daad tawaa daag 3alaay igoul 7i6aaw balkuum tara 5adamatna takil awadim" At that second i looked at the maid and my heart stopped, i tried screaming but nuthing came out of my mouth. The maid looked back at me with the BIGGEST smile ever.

I jumped on her, grabbed her ipod, and breaking it with my bare hands (yes yes!) She hissed at me with siliva spraying everywhere. when i gained my voice back, i tackled the maid and told my mom what my cousin told me. She started screaming and everything was just hectic.

Finally i held the maid firmly, it was in a position that she cant move any parts of her body except her head. She started taking huge bites out of my arm while i screamed in agony but refusing the let her go.

_________________________________________________________________
Thats all i remember from my horrific dream. Although through out the dream i kept assuring my self that it was just a dream but it was soo realistic! I no it sounds very childiish bas 9iij 9iij it freaked me out!;p

To Hold & To Have [9] Part B

I did say he sounded different. Come to think of it, the difference was really obvious, but i was too depressed and sad that i didnt think about it. But now what? what should i tell him? that i got mad because his friend said that he was with sara? noo, he'll think i'm a freak.

Message sent.

+96599...

Ooh, lol thanx i guess;p

7:06am

The teacher entered the class and everyone sat in there assigned seats. God i hate this teacher, why does she have to wear her 7jaab so tightly?

I sat there glaring at her while she dragged on and on about el 3ibadaa wil 9alaat. Ever since first grade we've been taking the same thing, el 3ibadaa wel 9alaat, el 9alaat wel 3ebada. Slowly i started to drift of into my own world. i thought about random stuff, like candy and shoes.

The feeling of my mobile vibrating in my pocket snapped me back to reality.

1 message recieved

+96599...

Its thursday today, shrayech we go out?

7:23am

The thought of seeing 3abdula today made the hairs on the back of my neck rise. Bas ib kil hal burouda he wants to go out today? i need to ask 3awaash for advice..

Message sent.

3awaash

AAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!! 3abdula wants to go out with me today..shagoul eeh wela laa2???

7:24am

I started to panic, ive never gone out with a guy in my life, let alone talk to one.

1 message recieved.

3awaash

After all he did? MIN9IJIICH??!

7:26am

Message sent

3awaash

Laa2, 6alaa3 mu uhwaa! it was his friend ga3ed "yista3bi6"

7:26am

She replied saying yes, that i should go out with him. well, here goes nothing..

Message sent.

+96599..

Sure, i'd love to!

7:27am

Just as i pressed send, the teacher caught a glimpse at me. She walked towards me and sat there staring at me. The whole class looked back at me. She motioned to me that i should give it to her. I gave her my mobile and she walked back to the front of the class, looked back at me and shot me a mean look, put my mobile in her drawer and continued talking. Atleast she didnt read the message out loud.

The class didnt seem to ever end, and when it did i went to the teacher to get my mobile back.

Me: Abla 3ady a5eth mobiliy?

Teacher: Laa2, i5thee min il na'6ra a5er ilyoum..

Me: IBTA36EENA 7AG IL PRINCIPAAL??! Laisshh???

I cursed her in 10000 different languages in my mind..

Teacher: Hathy mish awaal maraa ya reem ba9aiit 3alaiki kam mara ilyoum w 6oul el wagt el mobile kan fy eedik, mafeesh 7aga ahaam min il ta3alum..5i9ou9an bil deen.

I looked at the ground and mumbled an "okay" to her.

_____________________________________________________________

Excuse the teachers freaky language, ma3arif atkalaam ma9ry;p

Yes no or maybe?

I have come to the conclusion that my life is boring i go through the same routines every day. Go to skool, come back, study, blog/msn, read then sleep. im useless in this world. Aby adventure.

so dear readers, i would like to start a TEENAGE-LIFE-TO-DO-LIST. The reason its a TEENAGE life to do list and not a normal one is because i cant do all the things i wuld like to do like travel the world and have a one night stand (not that i'll do it anyways) but yea, you get the point dont you?

But theres a trick to it..YOU beautiful readers would have to help me make the list. Since i only think inside the box, i only thought of 2 things so far..Bungy jumping (to conquer my phobia of heights) and to learn sign language through youtube!

Therefore i am asking you dear readers to give me suggestions and when i have a good enough amount of things on it i'll post the whole list okay?

If only..

I love you.

I need you.

Your different.

You make my heart skip beats.

I think about you alot.

Thank you.

Now go kill your self.

To Hold & To Have [9] Part A

I held my breathe and stiffened as she walked towards me. I could sense that she wasnt coming for a friendly chat or anything. As she drew closer and closer to me, my mind was racing trying to think of reasons as to why she'd talk to me.



Her: Heey



While still walking towards me, but close enough that i can hear her. She held her arms out like she wanted to hug me. I didnt now what to do so i held my arms out too..



Me: Hii



She passed me, and hugged her friend which was standing behind me, and they started talking. She looked back at me with a confused look and continued talking.



I felt the blood rushing to my face. She wasnt talking to me, she wasnt walking towards me, she wasnt looking at me, and she most certainly wasnt going to hug me. She must think im crazy or something. i was soo embarressed! Fashlaa



The bell rang and we all started to make our way into the building. Ugh! I have religion now..7ady mali 5ilg. I went to my locker, got my books out. By the time i got into class most of the girls were already thier. I felt my mobile vibrating in my pocket -a message- , so i sat down at my desk and got out my mobile to read the message that i recieved. Just as i was going to open the message that i have recieved from 3abdula (yes 3abdula) some one grabbed my fone.

Girl: Haaa minuu min 9ibaa7 allaah 5aiiir?

SHIT! Even i dont no what was on the message. w 5o ana 7ady i dont think quick..so what i managed to say was..

Me: ubooy!

As soon as i said that i realized how stupid it sounded. chaan gilt its my sister or brother, but nooo from all the people it had to be my dad. She glared at me in a suspisious way and gave me back my mobile.

Okay, just incase you dont no, in my skool its like 7araaam to talk to a guy even just as a friend. The girl went back to her desk and sat down. I finally opened the message..

1 message recieved

+96599...

Ams lama giltlich la7'6aa it wasnt me who talked to u next! it was my friend who talked to you. i was still talking to my dad! 3uguub ma radaiit galouli ish9aar w walaah ya reema zafaita zaaf 3ala hathy el 7araka el bay5aa

7:01am

___________________________________________________________

Adryy its short, part B is going to be short too.

To Hold & To Have [8]

I sent the message, and thats when i realized 3awaash was still in my room. She had been silient the whole time just listening to our conversation. i felt kind of embarressed that a guy like him had such a strong impact on me and nearly made me cry. She looked at me with her hazel eyes wide open. I had nothing to tell her or anything to explain, she heard it all her self. I just looked back at her.


It felt kind of wierd just staring at my sisters face, so i got off of the bed to go wash my face with cold water.

When i came back 3awaash was still sitting on my bed.

3awash: Entaay min9ijiich?

Me: Shinu?


3awash: Walaa reema i was just waiting for you to cry 3ashaan a9ikiich 6raag. ma9arliich 3 days it3arfeen el walaad and already hes broken your heart. Its not his fault, he doesnt even now you like him, he thinks you see him as a friend. uhwa masawa shay ghalaa6..

Me: Embalaa he did!

3awaash: Tell me shsawaa?

I thought about what she said for a second, and to tell you the truth..shes right. Since he sees me as a friend, he didnt say what he said as a way to hurt me or anything.


Me: mm..9aa7 kalamiich. bas still mabee akalma, hes rude

3awash: kaifiich..a7san ba3aad

At that moment my mobile started to vibrate

1 message recieved

+96599...

Laish? shsawait?


5:45pm

i looked at 3awaash in a "shagoul?" look. She smilied..

3awaash: Mu giltaay matabeen itkalmeena? 5alaa9 3ayaal..

I ignored the message and continued doing my homework.

1 message recieved

+96599...

????

5:48pm

UGH! shyabee? he doesnt get ina i dont want to talk to him? and i think the message i sent him is enough to explain everything, my fingers slowly crept to my mobile to reply to his message, but as soon as i realized what i was doing i quickly switched off my mobile.

I figured i should take a little nap, today has been full of drama and had a rollercoaster of emotions..

The next day..

i woke up to the sound of my deafining alarm. i seriously have to change it. mahee 7ala kilyoum it scares the crap out of me.

i showered and changed into my uniform, put some lotion ,sprayed some perfume, grabbed my bag and mobile and left. In the car i switched on my mobile, to tell you the truth i expected like 50 messages from 3abdula..but to my disappointment i only recieved 1.

1 message recieved

+96599..

latrideen kaifiich, bas i just wanted you to now that it wasnt me bil fone..

11:03pm

How can it not be him? ya3ny who else? well theres only 1 way to find out..

message sent

+96599...

what do you mean?;s

6:31am

7adaa mu wagta..i have enough on my mind including 2 tests and 1 quiz that i didnt study for w ana mu nag9a i think about 3abdula.

Since i didnt expect any messages from 3abdula soon, i shoved my mobile into my pocket, opened my chemistry binder and started studying.

When i got to school, most of my friends were already there. I said goodmorning and started catching up on the latest gossip. i noticed a black haired girl sitting alone and staring at me from a distance, she had straight hair and white -almost transparent- skin, ive seen her a few times in the corridors but never really paid any attention to her.

Ksaraat 5a6ry, she looked very lonley so i smiled to her. Suddenly, without smiling back, she got up and started heading towards me.

To Hold & To Have [7]

My heart skippted 3 beats, and my mouth turned dry. Everything is moving too fast for me..first the coincidence in the jam3iya, then the message and now this? 9iij ena im really happy that he realized that i exsist , but im not the type of girl that talks to guys on the fone and stuff. Ive never even had a boyfriend for godsake. But i picked up the fone anyways..

Me: Aloo?

3abdula: Hallaa walaa, shlounich?

Me: Ib5aiir il7ilmdellah

3abdula: La7'6a digeega okay?

When he was back, his voice sounded different..Its not the same soothing voice

3abdula: Kanyy radait

Me: mhmm

3abdula: la7'6a la7'6a..entaay shfeech 3ala sara?

What? i didnt even say anything about her, well i mean not technically..i dont even no the girl!

Me: Haw shsawaiit?

3abdula: 9ADOO!! Hehehehe

MAYNOUUN HATHAA?! i nearly had a heart attack, i dont now what i would have said if he wasnt joking..

Me: Hehe

That was all i managed to say

3abdula: haa shlouniich sha5barich?

Maybe he forgot that he already asked me this question.. ooh well..

Me: Zaiina il7imdila..w iinta?

3abdula: Tamam walaa

I was soo nervous, i didnt have anything to say so i figured keeping quiet was the best thing to do.

3abdula: Shfeech saktaa?

Me: Nothing, bas it feels akward

3abdula: What does?

Me: Madry..talking to you i guess

3abdula: Laish? lail7een ma ta3awadtay?

Me: hehe, bismilaah bas 9arlina 2 seconds on the fone

He was quiet for a seconds but then he replied..

3abdula: Umm L-laa2, i mean from all the guys you talk to, its akward talking to me?

Me: Im in a all-girls school..

3abdula: 8a9dii bil fone..

Me: umm..i dont talk to guys bil fone, min galik?

3abdula: You still havent figured it out?

I knew who he was talking about..who else? Sara. shtabee hathy? i dont even no her..

Me: w intaa im9adig Sara?

3abdula: Madry, a9adigha wela laa2?

Me: Laa2..

3abdula: Ahaaaa

I could hear the sarcasim in his voice, he doesnt believe me.

Me: Even if i did, why would it concern you?

3abdula: It doesnt hehe..

Shit, fashlaaaaaa..

Me: Sara tir'6a you talk to me? ya3ny you 2 are together w she hates me and stuuff

3abdula: w min gaal tadry?

Me: Ooh ya3ny shes is your girlfriend, wenta gaa9 3alaay itgoul ur frnd hehe

I was just laughiing as a way to cover up for myself..i dont want him to think that im this psycho who is crazy over him

3abdula: umm..eeh eeh 9idteeny!

Even though i expected it, hearing it from him was still shocking. I wished it wasn't true but it is..i felt tears filling up in my eyes.

I hung up before he can say anything else.

That is not the same 3abdula that i saw. The other one was kind and funny. The other one denied that he was with Sara. But this one is different..this 3abdula asks alot of questions and is mean. But most importantly..this 3abdula is the exactly the same as all the other guys, the kind that dont care about anyone elses feeling except there own.

While typing a message, i faught the urge of letting my tears flow down my face. but im not going to cry over a guy..especially not for a guy who i just met.

Message sent

+96599...

Please dont call or text me again.

5:37pm

Sooon;p

i7iim i7iiim! Ive been lazy hal ayaam(a)! Well not lazy ..stressed to be exact! You have no ideaa how much tests, quizzes and projects we have (only if ur in my skool)

Soo i promise you beautifull readers that i'll post on thursdaay nite..i thought about writing a quick post to tell u what happened bil fone call but i didnt think it'll be good since i only have 9 minutes until my studying break is over..yes yes not 10 minutes..9!!

-tengo que irme..adios;*

!!

MALAIIT YA NAAAS!

Nearly 2 months of skool left, ya3ny 60-ish days! 9iij ena this yr maar bser3aa bas, i cant take skool anymore, abyy a6laaa3 without worrying 3an tests w projects! Aby arou7 el shalaaih w asafir w astaniis

I CANNT WAIT FOR THE SUMMER BREAAK! kel ma i wake up in the morning its just 1 day less till the summer break, hathaa il imsakitnee;p

hhhhhhhhhhh *breathing out* (a)!

Of to studyy..toodles (exactly what im talking about)

To Hold & To Have [6]

At Home..
After i got home, i changed into my comfortable sweats and went to eat lunch. While i was eating i couldnt help but think about 3abdula. Hes soo handsome, these mesmorizing hazel eyes and tanned skin, his structured face and muscular body, his perfectly filled lips and smooth black hair, if i had to imagine the perfect guy, i'd imagine him.

Maybe its not just a crush after all, i think im starting to like him. noo noo!! i cant like him, he doesnt like me and never will, he has sara. If i like him then i'll start loving him, and loving him will just cause me pain and heart ache since hes with another girl.

I finished my lunch so i went to start my homework. At first i was focused on doing my work, but after a few minutes i found my self doodiling and writing 3abdula's name on my notebooks with hearts around it. I really dont want to like him, why cant i get the fact that he has a girlfriend? I quickly tore the page, scrunched up the paper and threw it.

While i was buzy doing my work 3awaash dar3imat into my room.

3awaash: Waay im so bored!

Me: Ga3da asawee my homework

3awaash: wehh ana 5alaa9t minzimaan

As usual 3awash was doing her daily routine of noisiness, looking through my stuff and itnabiish. Madry shloun bas ilcha7aat the crumbeled up paper in trash can.

3awaash: SOME-ONE IS IN LOVVVEEE

I felt the blood rush into my face and heat started radiating out of my face.

Me: Chuub! im not! he's just a crush!

3awaash; yeaa suuuree, that explains why you have hearts all around his name..

Me: mm..Maybe i like him just a slight bit

I looked at her with my puppy eyes glittering. My mobile started vibrating

1 message received
i opened it, and the message read;

*yaal bal3aa! malyoun kakaaw haa?*

NOWAAAY!! theres no freakin way the message could be from 3abdula, he doesnt even have my number!

Me: 3AWAASH LI7GAAY! i think im having a heart attaaack! i5thaay my mobile w shoufaay!

She grabbed my mobile and read the message out loud. Her eyes grew wide with excitment.

3awaash: Yallaa reply! what are you waiting for?

My hands were trembiling as i typed the reply

*Sorry i think u have the wrong number*

I figured that was the safest reply, i didnt want him to think that i was expecting anything from him.

1 message recieved

*Ooh, asif! ur not reem?*

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA5 GALBY!! ya3ny its him!

*Embala i am, do i no u;s?* ..i replied

Hehe ya3ny ma adry minu..

1 message recieved

*im sure u do..*

UGH! why doesnt he tell me that its him, im starting to doubt that its him..

*Are u expecting me to guess?* ..i replied

1 message recieved

*No not really, Its me 3abdula..i just figured you'll no it was me min awaal msg*

*Hehe sorry i didnt think of that, umm where'd you get my number from?* ..i replied

1 message recieved

*i have my people;)..*

*Like who? saraa?* i replied

That ought to teach him! Next came something totally unexpected..

Incoming call +96599......

To Hold & To Have [5]

3awaash: Reema relaaax relaax he saw us!

Me: 7ILFAAY?

3awaash: Uu9 uu9 kahu hes heading towar-..Halaa 3abdula

3abdulla: Halaa..shlounkum?

Me: b-b5aiir el 7-7emdelaah *why am i stuttering? okay reem calm down*

3abdula: Reem chiniich 6iltaay min thaak elyoum? *7eta his sarcasim eyanin*

Me: Hehee *shagoul??*

3awaash: agoul, ana barou7 ayeebly ice-cream min hnaak

NOO 3awaash lat5aleeny brou7y!! too late..she walked away.

3abdula: Soo..

Me: Soo..

Suddenly his fone started ringing, and we both jumped.

3abdula: haa sarouna? ..enzain enzain ana mash'3oul, akalmich bi3dain...eeh eeh..yalla byee

Ooh the audacity! jidamy 3aad?

Me: sarouna? minu? *i just HAD to no! adry im guna regret this later*

For a moment he looked puzzeled and a slight bit shocked. i dont think he expected this question.

3abdula: sarouna? umm my friend..

Me: yeaa yeaaa

3abdula: Shinuuu?! min9ijy!

Me: Eeh haw ma gilt shay, i believe u..

Aaaa5 ya 3awshoo! wainiich? thalaftaay w 5alaiteenny brou7y..i cant talk to him any more knowing he has a girl that he probably loves.

Me: Anyways, i got to goo. byee

3abdula: Shfeech? why the rush?

Me: Mafeeny shay

I walked awaay, my heart was begging my legs not to move but my mind was forcing them too. i found 3awaash in the next aisle, she must have heard everything, not that anything really happened.

3awash: LAISH RI7TAAY YAA SHAGOUUUL?

Me: 3awaash ya3ny tabeeny ag3aad jidama w ajabla ikalim his girlfriend? wallah i cant take it, 9ij ina hes just a crush but still..

3awaash: mm, yea your probably right.

Me: enzain imshaay 5an nidfaa3..

As me and 3awaash headed to the cashier. I peeked at the aisle where me and 3abdula were, he was still there with a smirk on his face. He was looking around, but when he spotted me our gazes met, and our eyes locked for a second, and then he winked. Not a flirty or cocky wink, but a fun and cheerfull one.

Did i miss something?